A couple weeks ago, I had a best friend. Anyone who knows me, would know that about me. We were friends since junior high. I think we met through a friend. She’ll probably tell you she seen me alone at lunch and decided to talk to me. Haha. Pretty funny but whatev.

Pretty much from then on we were friends. We talked through out high school. My mom yelled at her once & scared her. Haha. I was awesome. But it wasn’t until close to the end of senior year that we really got close. At least I think… That’s really when she became my best friend. We went to each other’s prom. We went to each other’s graduation. (I cried at hers.) We were as close as you could imagine.

I started working at PetSmart, and I think I started kinda not talking to her as much because I was busy. Actually we had many of times like that. I’d be busy to text her and she would get upset. Like any friendship, we would have our ups & downs. You know. Whatever. The norm.

Once I became a manager I made the suggestion that I should add her to my cell phone contract. Seemed like a great idea at the time. We went down and got her a phone because at the time she didn’t have a phone she could rely on.

So it was set. New cell phone plan on my account. New phone, which she copied me because I had the same phone. Haha. We were all set. Sure I had to pay a little more on my bill but I didn’t care, still don’t, because money wasn’t something I was worried about. I wasn’t am not greedy, I never really have been with my money. Its always been whatever.

So, after that she felt like she needed to try to give me money. As always I told her not to worry about it. We went to see Beyoncé in concert because everyone knows that Beysus is my idol. I bought all four tickets, set me back almost $500. Not that big of a problem because I wanted my bestie to go with me. She told me she would pay me back and this and that. Again, I didn’t care. Money wasn’t that important.

Side note before we go any further, I’m not rich. I’m actually pretty far from it. But seeing as how money wasn’t ever important to me, if I had, I had it. If I didn’t, that was okay with me.

So I would pay for random things. I’d put gas in her car, I’d buy stuff for her car, it was no biggie. We’d go out to eat, we’d go buy stupid stuff at Walmart, whatev. She honestly was kinda like my wife… We even went around saying that we got married February 31st. Yeah, yeah, I know its not real, but still. It made it fun!

Slowly, our friendship was deteriorating but we didn’t know it. Once I had to move out of my house and into my moms apartment, she was there for me. She helped me move, she took me home after work, she did everything. And honestly, I think that’s really when our friendship started going down hill.

She slowly started getting irritated that she had to pick me up from work. I understood. It wasn’t her responsibility. But seeing as how I didn’t know how to drive, I depended on her. Don’t get me wrong, I hated the fact that I depended on her. I don’t like depending on too many people and adding her to the list was def not easy.

She started teaching me how to drive. I was a nervous wreck but soon enough I started getting better.

Well one day, she called and asked me if I was off. I told her yes. I also told her I wanted her to meet Jesus, my boyfriend. She told me that he should just pick me up. She knows very well that I hate depending on people and its hard for me to ask someone else to pick me up. So I said that never mind I would take a taxi, it was no big deal. She got upset and said no, she’d be there. Then she said, “…just ruin my plans why don’t you.” That’s when I got mad. I had no problem taking a cab. I’ve done it before, no biggie. So we hang up and She’s texting me saying she’s going to pick me up. Fine. I sit and wait. She’s sending me a few texts and I don’t respond because if I’m going to say anything to her, it would be in person. About 45 minutes later, she tells me that I should call a cab. So now I’m completely furious.

I waited another 45 minutes for the cab to show. When it got here we went home. The stupid driver was texting and driving at the same time. The most irritating and stupidest thing you could do. I ask him to stop and he doesn’t listen. Runs a red light and we almost get hit by a car. I yell at him and tell him to pull over. He keeps apologizing and what not but I had it. I didn’t bother paying him. I walked the rest of the way home. I got home and was so upset I literally was about to cry. I called Jesus and asked him to come over. He did and we just chilled and watched movies.

Then my best friend calls. Of course I’m upset and don’t answer it because one, I’m with Jesus and I don’t want him to see me upset like that. And two, I wanted her to know exactly how I felt in person. I get a voicemail and it pretty much says that’s she’s done picking me up. I was being very immature about everything. We need to get together and go to Sprint and separate our phone account. Whatever. The whole thing… At the time I was too upset to care. I just let it go and didn’t pay any attention because I had had enough that day.

The next morning I text her and let her know exactly how I felt. I text it to her because at this point, I didn’t want to see her anymore. I told her that what happen the night before. I told her I wasn’t mad until she made that stupid comment. And I told her that I was done and didn’t want to be bothered with her. We argued a little back and forth. Didn’t really care at that point. After that I put her number on my blacklist so that I wouldn’t see any of her text messages anymore. I was fine. I thought I would be upset but I wasn’t. It was whatever, she hurt me to the point where I didn’t care anymore.

A few days go by and I get a picture message from her. See with the messaging app that we use, once we go over three text messages, it automatically converts to a picture message so it could send it once instead of however many messages. Well I open it and read it. I guess blacklisting someone stops only their texts but not their picture messages. She goes on to say that I need go stop ignoring her and that I need to talk to her so we could set up a time when we can go separate the phone account. Of course I text her back and tell her that I can do it Saturday but it had to be morning because I have stuff I need to do before I leave for Pittsburgh. I also tell her that we were going to go to the Sprint by my work since it’s the closest one. She proceeds to tell me to stop acting all grown and that I run shit. Then she said it will be at 1:30. I told her that I couldn’t. I had things to get done that day and it would just have to be done once I got back. She then said that I would have to pay the bill on my own then. That there pissed me off and I had had enough of her treating me like shit. I told her that that was fine because unlike her, I don’t mind paying $200 to get rid of her. If that’s what it took then that’s what I’ll do. I told her to never contact me again, not even to respond to that text. I called Sprint 10 minutes later, asked them to change all the passwords so she could access the account. I reported her phone stolen so that she could never use it again because it would show up stolen when they’d try to activate it again. I cancelled her account and that was it. I haven’t heard from her since and honestly, I don’t really care.

The thing that bothered me the most was just the way she treated me. I found out later that the reason why she didn’t want to pick me up that night is because she had a date. Which I would have been so happy for and would have gladly taken a cab so she could go on. But she didn’t tell me. And she dumped me and treated me like shit for some random boy. I’ve never been the type to get a boyfriend or boy toy or whatever and completely dump my friends and just pay attention to the guy. I think that’s stupid and I hate people like that. I understand you are going to spend time with you significant other. That’s understandable. But to completely treat your friends like shit and devote all your time to a boy is stupid. Once the boy is gone, you will have lost all your friends. And I’m not one to put up with that. So I didn’t.

My bestie gave me a ring for my birthday because she knows how much I have always wanted one. Its nice and awesome. She bought it at Jared. When she gave it to me, it had so much meaning. I felt like it was a symbol of our friendship and how awesome we were. Now, most of the time I don’t know where its at if its not on my finger. And it has no meaning. To me it’s an accessory that I wear whenever I feel like it and if I don’t, its whatever.

I wish I could say that I miss my friend, but I don’t. I honestly feel fine. I thought that I was going to be hurt and cry and devastated. But I think it was time that we went our separate ways. I’m definitely not trying to make her seem like a bitch. If that were the case, this entry would have been meaner. But I honestly don’t see how I was immature about the whole situation. And part of me feels like I was used, but I can’t let that part become dominate because then it will question our entire friendship. I liked it. I don’t like how it ended but we live and we learn. She’s going t be alright, and I know I will be too. I guess life has a funny way of teaching us lesson.

Anyways… if you read the entire thing, thank you. I love you forever! If you didn’t, well… I guess you didn’t see this did you. Haha. Anyway… Its time to start Chapter 2 of this crazy book called Life!! Haha.

Today is day 4 of my time here in Pittsburgh. Let me just say… W O W ! ! First off, its very green. Trees EVERYWHERE!! The picture in this entry was taken right outside my dad apartment. Its like that everywhere. Why?! Pshh… because I guess trees are the way to go… Oh so I’ve heard. Lmao!

Anyways, secondly, EVERYONE IS A CRAZY DRIVER!! I swear people are just rude now a days. I couldn’t believe it! There is no respect for the other drivers here. I’m not kidding when I say this but we almost hit quite a few cars… IN JUST ONE DAY!!! WTF?!?! Insane… I’ve always been scared in the car. Whenever Erica would drive crazy, that shit would freak me out. My mom drive crazy, I would panic. My dad, nearly died. But this is a whole new crazy. W O W ! !

Then on top of crazy drivers, you have the most narrow roads you will ever see. A standard road would be let’s say |       | «— That wide… Streets in Pittsburgh are this wide: | | «— UMMM…. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! How are you supposed to fit a 12′ 6″ truck through that? Please tell me… And that’s not even narrow. When you’re going up the hills, the roads get even more narrow. I just… SMH! That’s all I gotta say.

Lastly, the weather… OMG!!! AMAZING!! Their hot days here are like a “cool” day in AZ. So they’re not very hot. I love it! The only thing I will say is that I don’t like that it has been raining and then stops, and then rains, and then stops. Don’t get me wrong, I love rain. And when I say I love rain… I L O V E RAINNNNN!!! Haha. But when it rains and stops and it does that all day, I hate it. Haha.

Overall, Pittsburgh is okay. If I had to choose a place to live, this probably won’t be it because of the crazy drivers. But otherwise, I wouldn’t mind it. Haha.

The next post will be more pictures from the time inside the airplane until now. Haha.

I’m still sad about what happened the other day, but I think I can see the light at the end of this unexpected, unwanted, dark, grotesque tunnel. And I just needed that bit of light at the end to assure me that everything is going to be okay.

Life is funny & strange. One minute its a game, & the next its a challenge. I’m going to be okay… I am okay.

(click on the image to see it move)

NO ME GUSTA!

Could you answer this question for me? Am I a bad person? Is it so bad that when I meet someone with struggles, I want to help them overcome them? Is it bad that I want to change lives? Make people feel good about themselves? Is it bad that my friends mean the world to me but somehow, I don’t feel as important? Is it wrong that I do more for others than myself? Am I a bad person for letting people take advantage of me for their own personal use just so I could feel needed and wanted? Is it bad that I don’t speak to my dad and I have no plans on doing so? Is it bad that I feel the same way towards my sisters? Am I a bad person for wanting love? Am I a bad person when I say that all I want is happiness? Am I wrong for being able to fall in love easily? Is it bad that I want to sleep forever? Is it wrong to expect happiness, love, loyalty, and commitment from people you care about? Am I wrong for being me the best way I can be? Is it bad that sometimes I care about you way more than I care about myself? Is it bad that I scare myself when I look in the mirror and see nothing that appeals to me? Is it wrong that my thoughts on my life have slowly dissolved? Is it bad that there’s the possiblity of me being wrong? Am I wrong?

I’m a little jealous at the moment. But its okay. It will be my birthday soon! Haha.

So this year, I really want to make Valentine’s Day special. I want to maybe not have someone, but be kinda… what’s the word… in-like with someone. Every year, this day comes along, and guess what? I’m lonely… So hopefully this year I could change that and make it memorable.

Alexis Segura

So this past Monday, I had a date with this guy who I have known for the past two years… almost. Usually he has Sunday & Monday off from work. Well this past Monday, yesterday, I had off and we had made plans to hang out together. We were going to go to a movie and lunch/dinner. I even offered to pay for everything.

So it was set. Monday at around 12 he would come over, if my mom wasn’t home, we would have some alone time and the after go to the movies & then to eat. I woke up extra early, excited and in an amazing mood. Cleaned the apartment a little, made it tidy and smell good. Went to go trimmed my facial hair really good, showered and cleaned everything really well. I put on lotion on to make me nice and soft, put on some really nice sexy designer underwear too. So I get ready, comb my hair and made it look the best I ever had. Brush my teeth TWICE!! I was ready. I looked good. I was actually impressed that I looked pretty good.

I waited… 12 came around and I get a text asking me what my address is. So of course I get really excited and I tell him. And I figure since he’s just now asking me, he prbaly won’t be here for about an hour. Cool no problem. I waited… and waited… and waited… so in an effort to not sound stalkerish, I text him asking him what movie we were going to see… no reply… Okay, maybe he’s busy driving… 3 o’clock rolls around and my sisters are home from school, so is my mom… so sex isn’t going to happen and I was getting a little worried.

Its about 3:30 and I text my bestie Erica because at this point, I’ve been stood up. I tell her what happened and I’m crying… So she comes over at around 6 o’clock. We’re hanging out and what not. Then she texts him from her phone and he answers pretty much right away. That made my stomach sink. She goes ahead and tells him off and I just can’t believe what happen.

Later on, she’s going home and I take a walk around my complex… BAD IDEA!! I started bawling my eyes out and it just all hit me. I called her and pretty much cried on the phone. I felt so hurt from being stood up. Especially because I really liked him. He seemed like an awesome person and it was just… I don’t know.

My bestie, being the awesome bestie she is, told me that its his loss and that he obviously wasn’t being honest an just looking for sex and just a jerk. The angry part of me believes it completely. But the sad part of me thinks different. And as hard as it may be, I think its time that I forget about him. I honestly don’t think a guy has ever made me hurt like he did. And that sucks because when it wasn’t about sex, he was awesome. He was fun to talk to and I had a great time. I guess sex was just more important to him. I don’t know.

But the ridiculous thing is that if he were to text me in like a month or two, I wouldn’t turn him away. I’d probably just be a little distant. Which you can’t blame me for honestly.

But during this time, I realized something. I’m looking for something that I already have. I have someone who cares about me. I actually have quite a few people. But this guy that actually cares about me, so far he’s perfect. And I’m hoping that I get to see him soon. I get to hold him like how I’ve dreamt of. He’s my Beliezian hubby. I can’t wait until I can go home to him… Muah!

Alexis Segura

That was absolutely the last straw. I’m done!! Ugh!!!!

So… My sisters and my dad got tattoos yesterday. That’s cool. Whatever, I don’t care. But tell me why my dad got his two daughter’s names tattooed on him… BUT NOT MINE?! That was the final straw for me. I tried to be nice and care… Well… Guess what?! I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ANYMORE!!

See the thing that bothers me the most is that this isn’t the first time that this has happened. (Granted, this is the first time they got tattoos) But I’ve always been left out. Why? Maybe because my dad rather have his two daughters who are 14 and 17, and have his 20 YEAR OLD GIRLFRIEND(!!) than to have me hang out with him. See… my dad ruined my family when he started sleeping around and acting like he was 25. Bitch, you’re 43 years old!!! Grow the hell up!! I think know the reason why he never asked for me to go with them is because he knows that one: I will not put up with that bitch’s ass. If she even looks at me funny, I will tell that cunt off. Two: I will make her feel uncomfortable as fuck! And three: no one is going to have a good time. Trust that.

So here is where the dilemma occurs… he thinks he can put me to the side and put his girlfriend before me. Funny thing… I’m your son!!! But, I guess that doesn’t count for anything anymore. Its fine… I know you’re just a low life that thinks that he can have his cake and eat it too… Sorry!! That’s not the way the cookie crumbles. Sorry buddy, but you’re just shit outta luck!!

Maybe I’m being too harsh, I mean, the man did provide for me only my entire life… Oh wait… But did I ever get to be close with my dad? Nope! I didn’t. So I guess that’s forgiveable since he pretty much gave me everything I wanted… WRONG!!

He blames me for being irresponsible, for being selfish, for being ungrateful… Wtf?! All I have ever wanted was to be close to my dad. Have some type of relationship like he does with my sisters. I don’t care about material things. You can’t buy happiness!

Material things ≠ Happiness

But I guess in his mind, it does and I lost out on having any type of relationship with him. That’s fine. Like I said, this was the last straw. I’m tired of being called a liar, I’m tired of being pushed aside, I’m tired of being stepped all over, I’m tired of fighting. I’m just so over it. Nothing I do will ever please my dad, I’ve learned that now. Why? I wish I knew the answer to that but I have no clue. Life is just funny like that I suppose.

So… I guess to wrap this post up…

I’m on some new shit, chuckin’ my deuces up!! I’m moving on to something better, better, better, No more tryin’ to make it work!!

Signed,
Alexis Segura | PrinceBasil

P.S. I feel soooo much better now that I finally stood up for myself and didn’t let him break me down… looks like 2011 is going to be a great year! B-)

So my best friend & I are at Walmart because that’s really the only place still open on Thanksgiving. I see a display that has pumpkin pies all over it. So I decide to go ahead and grab one of them. We go through, ring out, & get home.

The next morning, I wake up & decide that I want a slice of pie before work. I didn’t get any the night before so I went ahead and cut a small piece. Ate it and went off to work.

A few hours later, my stomach was hurting. Now, I figured it was just that I was hungry so I went on my lunch and ate some food. That didn’t help at all, in fact, it made it worse. By, I want to say, 5:30 I was really feeling like crap. 6:00 came and I literally ran to the restroom at work & barfed everything I had ate that day.

I was really fighting to make it to 10:00 but there was no way I could have. Luckily, another manager was here at work & said she’d cover the entire closing shift. So I went home & barfed the entire night.

My sisters, who also ate the pie were barfing. So just imagine a house with three people throwing up all day & night. Not fun…

So my friend tells me to go to Walmart & complain. But how & what about? I mean I can tell them that I was barfing & I got food poisoning from their pie but what are they going to really do? Refund me my three dollars? I wasted more on porn. Shit, I lost an entire 11 hours from work. How does their $3 refund help? And what are they going to do, give me a $15 Walmart gift card? Psh… That’s probably enough for my hair gel & toothpaste. There’s really no point in arguing because I’m not going to get anything back.

So overall, it sucked. I had a horrible past two days and I’m so looking forward to going back to work to make money. I need it…

Well… just recently, I’ve stood up for myself and its felt great. It started with work really. I had a manager that I could not get along with. Why? Stupid stuff that made me feel like I wasn’t doing my job right. Things that made me feel like an idiot. So I talked to another manager about it & asked what I should do… He told me that I should talk to the person and see what happens from there.

Okay, cool… that’s exactly what I did and to my surprise, it worked well… Ever since than, everything has been going great. I feel proud of myself that I stood up to myself and let myself be heard. It felt like a big ass weight was lifted off my shoulder.

Just last night, a guy that I had talked to for a long time text me randomly out of the blue. At the end of the conversation I told him that we were no longer going to be talking and that this was probably the last time he was going to hear from me. All I got back was, Take care. TAKE CARE?!?! Really?! I was pissed off at the response I got but I’m happy I finally told him that I didn’t want to be used by him anymore. It feels great knowing that I’m starting to stand up for myself… makes me feel like I actually mean something.

So… for all my fellow welcome mats out there, just know that you have to “grow some” and take charge of your life because other people aren’t going to care. They’re going to use you to their advantage and once they’re done using you, they won’t want anything to do with you. It sucks but its true. And it can be scary but just know that at the end of the day, you’ll know that you’re being honest & real & all of the people who are still surrounding themselves around you afterwards are the people who are going to stick around for the long run. Its okay to be welcoming, just don’t be a welcome mat. I love y’all who have stuck by me.

Alexis Segura

Sooo… today I decided to take Fred out of her tank & let her explore my bed as usual… after about an hour… I got sleepy. So I go ahead and put the screen top back on her tank. I shut the lights off & lay in bed, all nice and snuggly. All of a sudden I feel something crawling on my face… I jump up & turn the lights on… then I see Fred just looking up at me… I totally forgot to put her back in her tank!! She scared the shit out of me though!!! Lmao!!! FAILLLLL!!!!