I’m stupid for thinking…
a day in the life of prince_basil
–a small intimate & personal view into the crazy & hectic time I call my life!
So my plan for tonight was to write an angry blog about how I really do not like the manager at work. Well just one of them. But something happened and I want to get it off my chest.
So today I was texting this dude that I like… Well, I fell in love with him. And well the whole time I felt like he wanted me. I felt like he was feeling the same way.
So about a week ago I told him I had something important to tell him and that I didn’t want to send it in a text. So finally we talk and I don’t exactly chicken out, I just got really nervous. So towards the end of the phone I finally tell him… “I love you.“
BIG MISTAKE!
He stayed quiet and didn’t say a word to me anymore. I kept calling his name out but he didn’t answer. So finally I just hang up.
A few days later I finally get to talk to him again and I ask him why didn’t he say anything. I felt very upset. He didn’t give me a reason.
Fast forward to today, we were talking and he was being real mean to me. Normally I would just be like whatev but I just wanted to be loved. So I had enough and I hung up. I text him and tell him that I don’t know why I try anymore. He doesn’t want to make this work so why should I care.
Pretty much I tell him how I feel now that I’ve said I love you and that I wanted to get married one day but I put it aside for him since I love him. and that I don’t want this. He’s going to keep pretending he wants me just so he can stop wanting me once I feel the same. Like I don’t get it. So he called me after he read the text about me just leaving him along since I’m not wanted. He was telling me off and I just couldn’t help it. I started bawling like I am right now and I just stopped. Let him say what he wanted and hung up.
I don’t want this. I want the man I fell in love with. Not the boy he’s turning to be. What do I do wrong? No relationship has worked out for me the way I want it. Like… Ugh. I don’t know. I’m just so tired of people acting like they want me and boosting my esteem up just to knock me down lower. I sense my future being very lonely and not with anyone. Why? Look what just happen…
I better let you all go. Gotta wash my face and go to bed. Probably cry myself to sleep. Goodnight.
Prince_Basil
P.S. I’ve been so depressed that I don’t even know if what I am is still called depression. It’s just way past that point now.
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