..self-esteem..
I’ve had many problems with my self-esteem. I’ve always been the guys who thinks, If I change this & that, I’ll look half decent. I’ve always looked at myself as the ugly one or the one who looks horrible.
When I’m at work & I’m working as the cashier, well, I see many people. The majority of the time, I ask myself, Why can’t I look just a little bit like that? I compare myself to the way they look and like I said before, I find myself looking ugly. When I’m not thinking that, I’m thinking of what I can do to improve my look. Maybe a new pair of jeans, or a new shirt. Perhaps if I wear my hair different. But in the end I know that there is nothing I can do to look good.
I judge myself. I tell myself that my ears are too big, my nose is too big, my feet, lips, & thighs are all too big. My teeth are too small, I have no butt, nor do I have any muscle. My teeth are more to the yellow side then they are white, my face has acne, my body is hairier then the average person. I find all these flaws in myself that I don’t like. If you have to love yourself first before someone else can love you, then I fell like I’ll never be in love.
If I were given the opportunity to look how I wanted, I can guarantee you that I would take the opportunity and recreate myself to exactly what I want. People say they wouldn’t change anything about themselves because it makes them them. Well, I disagree. I think that the person I am is based on how I act. Not what I look like. One of my friends once told me that who I am doesn’t match what I look like. Of course, they didn’t mean any harm, they were probably trying to give me a compliment. But, for me, it’s hard to accept compliments because of the many flaws I see in myself. About the only compliments I truly accept are ones of my hair. I love my hair. That’s about the only thing I wouldn’t change. Maybe add more hair style possibilities, but if not, it’s completely fine.
And I guess the whole point of this blog is that people are so judgmental & I wish people who are ugly & people who are not ugly can all be given the same chance. I wish that if I were to see someone who I were interested in & so did a model status guy see the same person, that we would both get the same chance instead of one being chosen over the other because of their looks.
But I guess that won’t happen anytime soon. Which isn’t okay with me, but there’s nothing I could do to change people. So I will continue to be who I am, while other people continue to be who they think they are or who they think they want to be based on their looks. Not saying that everyone is like that because my friends are awesome & they’re themselves.
Prince_Basil
You are as God made you. I would encourage you to remember this: Everything that looks appealing is not. Some of the people you perceive as having an abundance of external beauty may be internally tormented. Embrace the skin you’re in (all of it). Be good.