Okay so I posted a blog about a certain coat that I wanted to buy. Well, I also said that I wanted to know WHERE I could buy it. Well, I found the exact jacket. It is amazing because its in my favorite music video and I would have never thought it would have been in there. But its there so here are some pictures. If you want to see more, just leave me a comment and I’ll try to send you some as soon as I can. Thanks and I hope that you can help me find out where to find it. Bye!!

Here is the new music video to Ciara’s Love Sex Magic featuring Justin Timberlake!! Enjoy!!

Okay, so I’ve been looking for this coat. And I know Chris Brown wore one like it in a movie called This Christmas. His was black though and was a longer type with a strap around the waist. I couldn’t find a picture of it but today I bought the Twilight movie and I got a free digital copy of the movie on iTunes. So I seen that Edward was wearing one kind of like it. His is gray though with no strap and its a shorter version. I want to know if you could help me find the black, long style with the strap around the waist. I’ve wanted one for the longest time and I know that I could buy it if I could just find it. I don’t know what it’s called or where to look. If you guys know send me and email (segura.alexis@gmail.com) or leave me a comment here or something. I just really want a jacket/coat like that. Thanks.

I’ve had many problems with my self-esteem. I’ve always been the guys who thinks, If I change this & that, I’ll look half decent. I’ve always looked at myself as the ugly one or the one who looks horrible.

When I’m at work & I’m working as the cashier, well, I see many people. The majority of the time, I ask myself, Why can’t I look just a little bit like that? I compare myself to the way they look and like I said before, I find myself looking ugly. When I’m not thinking that, I’m thinking of what I can do to improve my look. Maybe a new pair of jeans, or a new shirt. Perhaps if I wear my hair different. But in the end I know that there is nothing I can do to look good.

I judge myself. I tell myself that my ears are too big, my nose is too big, my feet, lips, & thighs are all too big. My teeth are too small, I have no butt, nor do I have any muscle. My teeth are more to the yellow side then they are white, my face has acne, my body is hairier then the average person. I find all these flaws in myself that I don’t like. If you have to love yourself first before someone else can love you, then I fell like I’ll never be in love.

If I were given the opportunity to look how I wanted, I can guarantee you that I would take the opportunity and recreate myself to exactly what I want. People say they wouldn’t change anything about themselves because it makes them them. Well, I disagree. I think that the person I am is based on how I act. Not what I look like. One of my friends once told me that who I am doesn’t match what I look like. Of course, they didn’t mean any harm, they were probably trying to give me a compliment. But, for me, it’s hard to accept compliments because of the many flaws I see in myself. About the only compliments I truly accept are ones of my hair. I love my hair. That’s about the only thing I wouldn’t change. Maybe add more hair style possibilities, but if not, it’s completely fine.

And I guess the whole point of this blog is that people are so judgmental & I wish people who are ugly & people who are not ugly can all be given the same chance. I wish that if I were to see someone who I were interested in & so did a model status guy see the same person, that we would both get the same chance instead of one being chosen over the other because of their looks.

But I guess that won’t happen anytime soon. Which isn’t okay with me, but there’s nothing I could do to change people. So I will continue to be who I am, while other people continue to be who they think they are or who they think they want to be based on their looks. Not saying that everyone is like that because my friends are awesome & they’re themselves.

Prince_Basil

I just finished taking a shower. And I think this shower has to have been the longest shower I’ve taken in forever. But I actually didn’t take a shower for all the time I was in there. It took me half an hour to shower & a hour & half just sitting there thinking. I started crying & I think I just might have had an epiphany. I realized that I don’t need to worry about my looks or who likes me or what people think about me. I’m going to stop letting stupid immature things run my life. I’m almost 19 & I don’t have much to prove for myself. I don’t have a car or even a license. I’m still living with my parents. I still depend on my parents for everything. So I have decided that I’m going to grow up. I’m going to start saving my money & going to act more responsible. That also includes boyfriends. Right now, I don’t need a man. And yes in the future I would like to have a boyfriend. But right now that’s not a priority. I need to focus on my life. I think the dream of me wanting to be married by the time I’m 21 isn’t going to happen. But i’m not sad. That’s life & there’s nothing I could do about it. I know now that if it’s meant to happen then it will. I’m also going to need to open my mind up & accept everything that is given to me. Also, the fights me & my dad have. I’m going to try to stop that. I’m just going to try to be an all around better person. That’s the end of this blog. But I just wanted to say that I blog from my phone so I have a limit to how much I can write in one post. That’s why this is part 2 of the same blog. But anyways. That’s the end. Bye. (.:alexis:.)

So I’ve been kind of depressed lately. I’ve been really sad but at the same time I’ve been kind of happy. Like I don’t know. I’ve been feeling really alone. Like I don’t have anyone to talk to. But the reality to that is that I have people I could talk to. Sam who is an awesome friend. Darius who is also an awesome friend. Erica who is my bestie for the rest of my life plus 1. Jimmy who is such a cool, awesome friend. But I just can’t open up. I’ve always kept my feelings to myself. I’m the one who people come to to talk about their feelings. And I just feel like if I open up to people they have that against me to use whenever they don’t want to be my friend. I just always have had bad luck & just opening up to people is hard. And yes my friends have always been like, “You can always tell me anything.” But just, I’ve never been able to. And I feel like its all catching up & hitting me all at once. And I’m not sure what I should do. But I mean I guess I will try to deal with it like I always have. (.:alexis:.)

..so the original plan for this blog was to write about interesing things & just have fun..but lately i haven’t known what to write about..so i’m going to start writing about my day & more personal stuff..this is kinda new to me because i usually don’t tell people my problems..i mean sure getting mad at my dad or whatever..but big problems..those i’ve always kept..so be prepared for some stuff you might not expect..i’m not saying i have a lot or any but..in the event that i have some thing big to say or whatever..just know that i’m just trying to be more in touch with all my feelings instead of just a few..i will write another blog entry later today..and the style of write will also be changing..i won’t be using so many periods & i’ll start capitalizing stuff and putting puncuation marks..my spelling might still be a little wrong but i’m still working on it..haha..bye..(.:alexis & basil:.)

..there are so many words i can’t say..when i look into your eyes..maybe you’ll reject me..and shatter all my pride..each day my love grows stronger..but i won’t let you know..there’s way too mucn behind my smile..that i can never show..i’d hold you for a lifetime..if you would take my hand..i’d love you like no other..but you don’t understand..everytime i see you..your holding on to him..the pain cuts like a dagger..making wounds that never cure..so i’ll dream of us together..oh how good it could be..and i will keep the secret love..you could have had with me..

..life has a meaning which nobody knows..like the past & the present everything comes & goes..things are destroyed that you saved from the past..but you have to realize that nothing lasts..your life is a mark that can’t be erased..your problems get worse & need to be faced..you think things are over as you lay in bed..your whole life flashes through your head..where did this madness ever start?..why won’t this pain go away in my heart..you ask & ask when will it be gone..will this hurting inside one day pass on?..no one knows the answer except for one..so live life to the fullest & try to have fun..then you find a love that eventually falls apart..then comes that aching again deep in your heart..& again there’s that meaning which nobody knows..like the past & present..life comes & goes..

..okay so i have a myspace & usually i add anyone who talks to me..but lately i’ve been getting adds from people i don’t know & so you know.. i take a chance & accept..well i have been trying to talk to all the people on my myspace or whenever i’m bored i post a bulletin asking people to text me or message me..but no one ever does..so today i got tired..i hate being the type of person who has “friends” who never talk to me..what is the point?? ..exactly..there is none..so i posted bulletins saying that the only people i’m keeping are the ones that are named & no one else..& if they want to continue being my friend..they’re going to need to send me a message..well i haven’t gotten a message from anyone..so i’m starting to think that no one really wants to be my friend..like what is the problem?? why can’t you just message me?? i don’t know..you read the bulletin but can’t send a message?? so thats what’s been up..peace..(.:basil:.)

..okay so yesterday was the 2009 NAACP awards and beyonce just so happened to perform halo..well i didn’t get to see it last night but today..i went on youtube and watched it there and wow..she is amazing..i love that song and i love the way she looked and the way she performed..its my all time favorite song..i told my best friend that its going to be the song played at my wedding..haha..(if i ever get married)..and yeah..i just think beyonce is amazing and i love her to death..i cant wait to see her live when she begins here tour..haha..im going to get the best seats ever..and take a bazillion pictures..haha..but yeah im so excited..i cant wait..well go look at her performance and love it..because i do..haha..peace..(.:alexis:.)

..well this is my bestest bestest friend ever..just in case you were wondering why i had this ugly girl on here..haha..jk..but really though..she’s my best friend..we’ve been through rough times where we haven’t spoken for about 3 days..=p..but regardless we always end up talking like nothing ever happen..she’s been my friend since jr. high..and since then we’ve been pretty much “married” to each other..i can tell her anything even though sometimes i dont..not going to lie..but she knows about me being gay and shes helped me with all my boy drama..and everything..shes my bestest and i love her for forever and a day and if any guy tries to eff that up..well they’re going to see what happens..so just lay off our nutzzzz..haha..peace..(.:alexis:.)

..okay so we have this really super cool computer that looks exactly like that..and it HD and all that good stuff..well..my dad had said that we (my sisters and i) would not get to use it at all..so we’re like wtf..well i’ve gotten to use it a few times for like 5 mins or so..i think the longest was like 15 mins..but anyways..my sisters always get to use it..they just ask..”papi can i play on the computer??” and sure enough he says yes..then when i ask him he says no..”you can use that old computer..” umm..sorry to bust your bubble but that one doesnt have anything on..no internet no nothing..why because my dad is a cheap ass..so why is it that my sisters can use the new computer all they want but i can use it not once?? ..ugh..thats my dad for you.. (.:basil:.)

..okay so i dont know if you guys seen the 2009 grammy awards..but if you did..tell me..how cool was the swagga like us video performance?? ..i absoultely loved it..i cant believe m.i.a. came out and performed even though she was pregnant..wow..her outfit wasnt all that nice..but none the less..the performance was amazing..haha..i absoultely loved it..you should definately download the song off itunes..haha..alright well peace!! (.:alexis:.) p.s. ..im back snitches!! ..haha..

..right now im not exactly feeling like writing blogs..and i dont mean just right now at the moment..there are some events that have changed my life and blogging just hasnt came into my life at the right time..i more then likely wont be writing as much..but im not saying i wont ever..if i feel like writing..you can be sure to expect a new blog post..but right now..im going to take a little absence from here..just for now..thank you so much for reading..and dont worry..i will be back..i promise..haha..take care..bye.. (.:alexis & basil:.)

..i wrote a couple of blogs about cordale..and well..this will be the last one..i was in love..still am..but things have happened in my life to finally realize that what i felt wasnt going to progress into anything more then that..what i want in my life is different from what he wanted..i want marriage and commitment but he isnt ready for that..and yeah..im only 18..but i know exactly what i want..and well..i wont be talking to him anymore..i think its for the better..i will get a chance to move on with my life and he can figure out what exactly he wants..maybe in the future i will be able to talk to him again..but right now it hurts too much to even think about it..here goes another broken heart for me..i think from now on i will just decide to not be in love or have a boyfriend or anything..it would be for the best..(.:alexis:.)

..well..yesterday..i finally finished soulfood: the final season..haha..man it was the most amazing series i had ever seen..haha..i highly recomend it to people to watch..to be honest..the last episode i started to cry..when they showed what everyone was doing for one another..then at the end when they showed what was happening with everyone..haha..im a big baby..haha..i know..haha..but i love that show..im kinda sad that its over now because i really wanted to keep watching more..haha..okay well..yeah..bye..(.:alexis:.)

..okay..so i know that i already wrote about him and what not..and i dont want to sound like an obsessed loser who is just crazy about this boy..haha..but..well..thats exactly what i am..haha..but dont worry..i promise i wont talk about him all the time..haha..but okay..so this morning i had a new picture message from him..and well..i opened it and it was that picture up there..haha..and it made me realize that i care for him more then i realized..last night i had a dream..well more like a nightmare..we were in the car..and we were going to this high class restraunt..i guess we were because we were all dressed up..and we were talking about the weekend..and i told him i loved him and he turned to look at me..he leaned forward to kiss me but the next thing i could remember is that we were in the hospital..i was standing over him and look at him as the doctors tried getting him to stay alive..but he slipped away from me and died..i woke up after that..scary huh?? (.:alexis:.)